"Tickle Bugs"!!! Thinking of My Mother on Mothers Day, I Hope I Found Her "Tickle Bugs"

As I am sitting here at my desk at my home office, I reminisce of days gone by with my mom. You might say that I was the boy they made the comic strip after called "Dennis The Menace." She and I had a relationship that only a mother and a son would know. I remember when I was little, and I mean little, about 5 years old or so, to this day, I can see her lovely face looking down on mine, while she had me on the ground, trying to find the "Tickle Bugs". She would look at me and say "Lets find those Tickle Bugs", and would begin poking around my neck, ribs, and arms, as well as the top of my knees and I would would be laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face!!! Then she had another little game she would do, and she would say, "Lets count how many ribs you have", and she would make me lift up my arms, and she would begin counting my ribs, one by one, with just her two fingers, and would act like she was walking her fingers up my ribs, and by the time she would get close to the top, right under my arms, I would be exploding in laughter.

As I grew older, I started thinking of ways to "get even" for all the times she tickled me, so, when her church friends would come over (every Saturday), I would think of what I could do to embarrass her in front of her friends. Well, God rest her soul, I went down to the local "gag" shop in our small town of Smithfield, Utah, and I bought artificial barf, and artificial dog poop, and look alike ice cubes that had flies in them, and a whoopie cushion and I hurried home to beat her guest there, and planted all of my gags and traps. She had no idea what I was up too, but she was about to find out.

Plan 1: She had just bought a beautiful Chiffon bedspread, that was snow white, and she was so proud of it, and how beautiful it was. I had talked her into keeping an old stray dog, who was a German Shepard that I named "Duke", and he was a beautiful dog, but she would get mad that he would poop all over the yard, and would make me clean it up, "He's your dog, and your the one who wanted to keep him, so its your job to pick up the poop, and feed and water him"! she would exclaim. Well, right when I heard her greet her friends into the house, about 12 of them, I put the artificial dog poop on her brand new bedspread, right in the middle, and pressing down on the bedspread to make ti look like paw imprints, knowing she would show her friends, and that would be sooooooooo embarrassing! She would think that Duke pooped on her bed!

Plan 2: Then I quickly went into the kitchen, and washed off all of the fake ice cubes, and I put them in her pitcher of Iced Tea she had made, (she made the best Iced Tea in the world she would boil it in one of those little tea balls that you would fill with tea grounds, it was the best), and the fake ice cubes were about the same size of those that would come out of an old fashioned ice tray. That was gag was all set to go.

Plan 3: The artificial barf I planted on the toilet seat, like someone didn't make it, and it looked like someone ralphed all over the toilet seat, it was quite disgusting, I mean gross, I bought two of those, one for the floor, and one for the toilet seat. It looked real!! That gag was set.

Plan 4: I headed for the basement to listen through all the floor registers that was affixed to the furnace, (we used to have a coal furnace, and all of these pipes would lead up to the vent registers throughout the house), it was summer, so the furnace was not active, but I could open up the furnace door, and hear the conversations throughout the house, no matter what room they were in, and I blew up the whoopie cushion, pulled up a chair, and waited.

They were all in the dining room, and I heard my mom say to them, "Well ladies, let us pray", they would meet for prayer, and reading of the scriptures, and just talk about women stuff while they were having their angle food cake, (which I always thought was appropriate for a group of praying ladies). Well, it was after the prayer, when I squeezed the whoopie cushion ever so slowly, and there was the most ghastly sound that came out of all of the heater registers throughout the house, that sounded like someone had lost their intestinal fortitude, it was pretty gross sounding, because it echoed. It was all I could do to stop from laughing out loud as I held my hand over my mouth.

There was a moment of silence...then one lady said, "What on earth was that"? I heard my mom say in the most sincerest voice she could muster "I have no idea, is everyone okay"? I was rolling...hahahaha, I am laughing right now....it was indeed funny, and I am so sure she was really embarrassed. My mom then broke the agonizing silence by saying , "Anyone want some cake and tea?", they all agreed that that would be nice, so my mom was in the kitchen when I heard this lady come in and say to her in the kitchen, "Tarna, (that was my mom's name), I believe someone got really sick in the bathroom", and my mom let out with a shriek and ran to the bathroom, and I could hear her shut the door, and she sighed, and went to clean up the mess, and I heard her say, "What the heck....Gary"!!

I knew I was in trouble when she seen that the barf wasn't real, and she could pick it up in sheets, lol....!!! But this was worth it. I was still rolling on the floor...ahhahahahhaa, and I am now, hahahahahhahahaha!! After she had figured it out, I heard her tell the ladies that "Apparently her son Gary was pulling some tricks on her, and that when she found me, I was headed for a willow switch"! Uh oh, that was when I stopped laughing for a minute, but only for a minute.

When the ladies were enjoying their cake and tea, I heard Mrs. Anderson shriek, and she said "Oh my goodness, there is a fly in my ice cube!", and I could only imagine all of the ladies checking out their ice cubes, and I heard them say, "I have one too, then the other, me too", and so on. Now they were all wise to me. The all had a great sense of humor as they were all laughing, but at that time, my mom didn't!! She said under her breath, "I'm gonna kill that kid when I get my hands on him"!! Again, I stopped laughing, but again, only for a minute. I was down in the basement for about an hour and a half, they had said the last prayer, and I let the whoopie cushion rip again, and I hear my mom say, "He's in the basement"!!!

I heard her footsteps stomping towards the basement door, she looked down there steps and there I was, she gritted her teeth at me, and shook her finger at me and said "You just wait until your father comes home young man, your gonna get it"!! I looked up at her with these really sad eyes, and she just started laughing...I had finally made her so mad, she was finally loosing her mind, she was laughing..."Go to your room" she said sternly, "And don't come out until I tell you too"!! So I did as she said, being the innocent , obedient boy that I was...and I went to my room.

That is when I remembered the white Chiffon bedspread, oh my! Uh oh, just as I was thinking about going to get the artificial dog poop off of her Chiffon Bedspread, I her her yell at me, and when I got to her bedroom, there were all the ladies in shock, and my mom's face was beet red, and she told me that Duke had crapped on her brand new Chiffon bedspread, and for me to clean it up as she ushered the ladies out of her room, and when she turned to look at me, I just picked up the fake poop with my hands and walked out of the room, that is when she knew it was fake, and that night I was introduced to the "Wood Shed" by my father.

How could you forget those times with your mother? What could possibably replace them, and my answer to that is nothing. These are the moments that still make me chuckle, even though she is gone. I miss those times with my mom, and she used to tell her friends that I made Dennis the Menace pale in comparison to the mischief that I would get into. But you know, she tolerated me so well, she loved me so much, and she taught me the values of good humor, and was great at putting a smile on my face, as a mother, she has made me proud to be called her son. I can only hope she is reading this little short story, and that it is putting a smile on her face, I hope during out short lives together, that I found her "Tickle Bugs". God bless and keep you mom....I will always love and cherish your memory....your son. Gary.