How To Find Your True Love? Do You Look For It, Or Does It Find You? (By Request)

Well, here I am again, and I am going to attempt to give this mans version of this topic, however complicated it may be. It is dangerous territory for me, as I have been married for the most part of my life. (DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT PROFESS TO BE A PROFESSIONAL IN THIS TOPIC, NOR DO I RELATE TO OTHERS, I CAN ONLY SPEAK FROM MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, AND IN NO WAY, DOES THIS REFLECT OPINIONS OF OTHERS, EXCEPT FOR THOSE I HAVE ENCOUNTERED PERSONALLY. I AM NOT A DOCTOR, NOR A THEARPIST, NOR DO I WANT TO BE. BUT I WILL GIVE THIS A TRY, I AM ATTEMPTING THIS AT THE REQUEST OF A FRIEND OF MINE), that said, I will endeavor to engage in this complicated subject.

Just to let you know, I have been married almost 28 years as of this July to my lovely wife Christine, but was divorced at the age of 34, to my 1st wife of whom shall remain nameless, to protect the innocent. I was married since I was about 20 years old to my 1st wife, and we were married for about 14 years. So, I have been married for a total of about 42 years of my life, as I am now 63 (this July). Whew, does that make any since? Well, the question was asked of me the other day, how do you find true love, do you look for it, or does it find you. Well, this is not going to be much help, but I believe it is a little of both. I was not really looking for a "marriage" relationship when I was 19 or 20, but it found me. I really don't think that it was "love" that brought us together, as much as it was she was pregnant, and I wanted a child! So, it was a matter of conveince that I was married to a woman who was pregnant. Why you may ask? Because I had a operation when I was only 3 years old, which would in later years, not allow me to father children. So, I married into a ready-made family.

I really didn't know if I really "loved my Ex", as I was too young to know what love really was. I didn't know the true meaning of love until I met the ONE I love, years later. My Ex and I existed, for 14 years, which shocked my family being so young when I got married, but I think the reason why we lasted so long was because of my son. We worked hard at it, and we eventually "out-grew" each other, and that is when I asked her for a divorce. We had no common interest, nor did we have no common things that we liked to do together in the latter years of our marriage. She was not a workingwoman, and more or less just read books all day. So, it was always my son and I who did things together, as my Ex did not like to camp, fish, or go on picnics, or anything to do with the outside. Well, we eventually did divorce, and that is all history. No regrets, as I did enjoy a son for all of those years.

Did love find me, I think not in that instance, but we did have a great friendship for a while, and of course we had Gary Jr. Was I looking for love? No. Did it come to me? No. I met her at a pizza parlor for crying out loud. From there, we started dating, it had allot to do with physical attraction, and she liked the "tough guy" in me. Was it love, I don't think so, not as much as physical attraction, and or looks. We both judged a book by its cover, and we both misjudged each other, and there you have it. We both lost...but I still gained a son. No regrets there.

My present wife Christine. I was again not looking for love, at least not right away, but bam, it happened. I had notice Christine time and time again where I worked, she was gorgeous, and I was very attracted to her. But love? I'm not sure anybody is ever "looking" for love when you're just divorced. I just wanted someone to be with me, a companion and have the same interest that I did. When I met Christine, the last thing on her mind was love; she had just broken up with a guy, and didn't even think about love. I really wanted to get together with her though, as I was very attracted to her, both physically, and emotionally. I had been divorced for quite some time, about a year and a half, and I was lonely. Oh yes, I was dating, I had custody of my son, but who would want a man with a child? Well, Christine and I started dating, and I had just broken up with a "girl friend" that I was living with for about a year, so we were both really not looking for love at that point. But when I met her children, they were wonderful, I fell in love with them right away, and I was beginning to fall for Christine as well.

After only three months of dating, I was totally in love with Christine, and her family, that I asked her to marry me only after 3 months of seeing each other. We had the same interest, we loved the same things, we both loved family, and it was perfect. At that poing I was looking for love, I truly was. We were then married, (Christine's mom thought she was crazy for marrying a cowboy), but now she tells Christine that she loves me just like her own son. To this day, I know we were meant to be together. We are soul mates. And indeed, the time was right, the person was right, and thank God, she agreed to marry me.... and of course, we are living happily ever after.

Question: HOW TO FIND YOUR TRUE LOVE?

Gary's Thoughts:

• If, and I say "if", you are looking for true love, you need to find someone who is somewhat compatible with you, i.e. Same interest, likes to do the same things you do, and at least share's some of your points of view, doesn't have to be all, but at least some.
• Physical attraction is important to most people. It is the same even in the animal world, for example; Female Peacocks are attracted to the male Peacocks, because of the number of "Eyes" there are in their beautiful tail feathers, and the color, and the size of their enormous tail display. Well that is great if you are a Peacock! Ask yourself this, what attracts you the most, to the opposite sex? What drew your attention? Be brutally honest when you ask yourself this, because you may be surprised when you, yourself answer this question. Of course we all want to say, "I look at their sense of humor, their eyes, (windows to the soul) and sincerity. I look at their warm smile, and disposition...this is ideal. But is it true? I would venture to say that it is their appearance that drew that first glimpse.
• Guys look at gals for obvious reasons. I won't go into detail as to what they are looking at, but guys are very physical. Most guys, are drawn to a woman they want to wake up to every morning. Why do you think playboy is in existence? Men are very physical. They love beauty, and so do women. Don't get me wrong; guys also love a woman's sense of humor, their eyes, (windows to the soul) and sincerity. and their warm smile, and disposition. But what initially drew their attention? It's called feminine attraction! That is why Mabellene and all of the cosmetic companies are making billions of dollars a year. The eye shadow, the perfume, it is all a part of the physical attraction that draws the men to women. I have a friend of mine at work that admittedly said that she does all that stuff just as much for her competition, "To Look better than the competition". Hum, She might have something there.
• If your looking for someone that doesn't care about looks, well, I'm sure they are out there, but you really have to look for them. Sometimes, people have a tendency to set their expectations way to high. Why? Because society has made it that way. There are folks out there like me, who are not the greatest looking guy, nor do I have a great physique anymore, but I am one of those guys that my wife adores thank God. "I make her laugh"!!! But again we married when we were allot younger, and we both grew into each other, and we have tons of love and respect for one another. We are content.
• Note: I really don't know if there is a formula on the "How To" of finding true love, all I can say is, that you will know when you find it.

Question: Do You Look For Love?

Gary's Thoughts;

• I have never really "Looked for Love", I just happened to have been fortunate enough to have bumped into it. I'm not sure if anyone ever goes searching for it, although those that may be lonely might. I would if I was lonely. I think one has to make it known that they are available. Secondly, you cannot set your goals to the point of being "un-reachable". I for one truly think that God has put someone on this earth for everyone. If you are single, and really don't know how to look for love, go to places where you can meet singles. Avoid the singles bars, I would go to church, get to know people in places where you frequently go, like the grocery store, the library, go to dances, and fairs, if you are invited to a party. go and make yourself known to all. Have friends that will always keep you in mind, should they meet someone who is also looking for love or companionship. It doesn't hurt to let folks know you're available.
• Do not become discouraged, remember, folks are not usually looking for love, maybe friendship at first that could possibly lead to bigger things later on down the line. Be patient, after all it is a virtue, and perhaps in time, it will happen when you least expect it. I for one didn't expect it.
• Don't try to oversell yourself that could lead to disappointment. Just be you. Everybody loves a person who is real, a person they can trust. Don't come on too strong as that can push people away. Just let the relationship take its time, remember, Rome was not built in a day. Take your time, and show interest in your perspective friend, and listen to them, be their friend first. My wife is my best friend, and always will be.

Question: Does Love Find You?

Gary's Thoughts:

• It has always found me. I have been blessed. I think given enough time, love will always find you one way or the other. If you are ready for love, you will know it. God has instilled that in all of us. If you have known love just once in a lifetime, then you have been blessed. For those that have known love, and are now single, I'm sure you will know it again if you so desire. We all need to be loved, I am not speaking of family, or love from your kids, that is a given, I am talking about a true loving relationship with a lifetime partner. We all need to feel needed, cherished, and cuddled. It is in our DNA. From a mans point of view, yes, physically we are driven, but in the end, when we get older and wiser, we find that love is more than that of the flesh, but of the mind, as well as the spirit. My love is my wife, she is my soul mate, my friend, and my lifetime partner, and I pray you shall find yours...Give it time....just give it time.